Nov. 14 - Dec. 1

November 14

At last we’ve reached the fabled week 9!!!! Life is already a bit different than it has been the past two months. We spent almost all day UI-ing. While proctoring a PRT, I saw a candidate throw up all over the astroturf. Only after seeing this did I realize that I’ve done pushups on that very spot more than once. Really makes you think about being on the ground…

Long classes with a retired Captain from the academy were actually interesting for once. I was engaged to the point where I didn’t start falling asleep until several hours into class, whereas it’s usually more or less instant.

We did not get our billets today, so we’ve got to find out tomorrow as Wednesday is the victory run. We just ran another practice for it, it went fairly well.

Not much else to say about today. Very disappointed in the lack of info on our billets. I want to know what I’ll be doing in CandiO phase. Apparently all billets are being chosen at random so we’ll see if I get H-class staff. I hope so. Goodnight.

November 15

PT UI this morning sucked. It’s a “strength & conditioning” day, so I was following class 06-12 as a tailgunner (hang out in the back and standby for injured candidates). Our DI came up and yelled at us for not working out enough so he gathered us all up and made us PT in a group. CandiO’s usually don’t have to do this, they just PT mildly in place and at their own pace. Just another way he’s making our OCS experience harder than it should be.

We got our billets, but there was mass confusion in the process. Our class chief called us into the gym and announced the billets by candidate rank, NOT by what the billet actually is. All I knew was that I was chosen as a candidate ensign, the lowest rank. It seems it really was random though, as our very worst candidate was chosen as a candidate lieutenant (a relatively high rank).

Had to stand a 1200 – 1600 BOOD watch. GYSGT Bomba, the DI who loves to sneak up on candidates and beat them, just got back from a week of leave. He’s on a RAMPAGE today. Everywhere we went we could either see him beating someone or hear him beating someone. I’ve not seen so many beatings since we were indocs. When I relieved the BOOD, he told me that Bomba had beaten him once and that the previous BOOD to him had been beaten THREE TIMES by Bomba during his one shift. This was the longest and most miserable watch I’ve ever had. Hours are IMPOSSIBLY long when you’re just standing there silently, waiting paranoid for the sound of motion. I only saw one DI, not Bomba, on my shift and gave the greeting correctly, so I didn’t get beat. Turns out Bomba went to lunch and came back to shark 06-12, so he wasn’t in the building during my shift. That shift was so long and miserable that after about three hours, I couldn’t stand it for another moment and I grabbed a book and started to read. I was so worn out that I had decided I’d rather get beat than continue to stand alert in the silence. When we read obviously our heads are slightly down, so the brim of our covers block all forward vision including peripherals, so I absolutely would have missed a greeting unless I heard him coming. After becoming bored of the dry book, I looked around the BOOD station and found an old rotating masterlock with the combination sticker still on the back, but the first and third numbers were scratched off. I could sort of tell that the first number was a 3_ and that the last number was most likely a 9_, 5_ or 3_ based on the bottom of the number. I stood there and played with that lock until I figured out the combination (35-8-30). Victory.

We got our custom T-shirts and CandiO boxes today! The custom shirts look OK, but I’m honestly not a huge fan. I’m SO EXCITED to open this CandiO box tomorrow!

All day we were counting down the eating-by-the-numbers meals. At LONG LAST, the “last supper” arrived! We were all so excited going through those damned chow hall procedures for the last time, we ended up almost screaming every command. Got yelled at. Nobody could contain their cheers when that meal was finally over! (once we were safely back in our p-way, of course) Never again, chow hall procedures, NEVER AGAIN!!!!!!!

What a day. So much excitement, it’s almost inhuman! Tomorrow we will become CandiOs at LONG last. See you on the other side.

November 16

We completed the victory run at last! Our thunder was thoroughly stolen, sadly, as the run went VERY badly. The candidates calling cadence all got so nervous that they started spitting them out so fast that nobody could run to it anymore. We all had to try desperately to stay in step but it became impossible, so we all just sort of ran at our own tempo. The DIs were FURIOUS. Then to top it all off, two of our candidates actually FELL OUT of the victory run. Our DI is submitting the OLQ paperwork to try to get them rolled as I type this. It’s terrifying and tragic.

Turns out they didn’t get rolled. The class officer seems to have had enough of our DI and intentionally rolling people. Great news for the candidates, bad news for us as we now have a pissed off DI.

I actually got TWO billets. Very unusual. I’m on Indoc Staff and I’m Med Liaison for 1st battalion. The med liaison job is awesome, very relaxed compared to some others, but Indoc Staff is ridiculously long-hour and high-stress. Not sure how I feel about it. Still wish I could have gotten H-class…

Upon completing the victory run, we run straight into the gym and into formation for a ceremony to officially promote us to CandiOs. Very short and dull. After the victory run post-ceremony, we were yelled at by our DI about how we suck and how we need to change or we’ll fail as CandiOs. Typical stuff. After the speech he looked at us and said “GET OUT OF HERE”. Only this time we didn’t all sprint outside and form the platoon. CandiOs don’t march in platoon formation, they just walk everywhere like normal people. We all walked outside, a bit disoriented and totally confused by the break in routine, and slowy started meandering down the street towards the house. I’ll never forget the feeling. Here we are, a messy gaggle of people, all just sort of walking in one direction freely. Wow. We’re really here. CandiO’s, all of us. The normality of it all was almost overwhelming, and I’m just talking about walking down a street! At the end of the road, another just insanely foreign thing happened: some of us went to our rooms, some went to the bathroom, and some went to the chow hall. We had a free choice of where to go! We didn’t have to wait for anyone! UNREAL!

After putting on the dreaded Khaki uniform, I walked out into the killzone to go to the chow hall, and there’s this candidate from 05-12 doing something. As soon as he sees me, he drops what he’s doing, snaps to attention and braces the bulkhead, and screams “GOOD MORNING SIR”. Boy, my eyes got as wide as saucers! After a moment to gather my senses I replied (in shock) “Good morning” and so he carried on. Holy crap, I just got greeted. No, really, I just got greeted! As he left I couldn’t contain my smile J

Just an hour ago, that was me. Ever on the lookout for khakis so I wouldn’t miss a greeting. Now, so abruptly, I’m on the other side.

My first meal as a human consisted of chicken, potatoes, diet pepsi, chocolate milk, cookies, a banana, coffee, and hotsauce. It was SO GOOD to have zero restrictions on food!

So, after two months of eating like robots, it turns out that you can’t just stop doing what you’re used to doing. Many of us sat on the first third of the chair. Almost all of us still grounded our cups to the front of the tray. I couldn’t pick anything up comfortably with my left hand even when I forced myself to do so. My hands returned to my lap after each bite. Even TRYING to eat normally, it just didn’t happen. Still, we were all so happy that none of it mattered!

I ate so much candy that I threw up. Then I ate more candy.

I got my suitcase out of the “lucky bag room” just because I could. Only canios have access to that room. Got my iPad back, but it’s sad to realize that the only time I’ll be able to use it is when I’m supposed to be sleeping… Oh well, we can have coffee now. We can have whatever foods we want now. Such a crazy thought!

I got to exercise in the DI gym after dinner! The DI’s are all long gone (or I wouldn’t have been in there). Moving weight that wasn’t my own is SO great.

I haven’t had a day this good in a looooooooong time. And to be honest, it went very poorly in the morning and evening with people getting in trouble and us getting yelled at. Nothing can pull us off the high we’re on right now. Tomorrow will likely be a different story, but for today it’s a welcome and long overdue joy.

November 17

Wow. CandiO life is a whole other world from the one I left yesterday morning. I was so busy all day that I had no time to explore the new freedoms we were given, and it’s not the “good” sort of busy where time flies. It was a bad sort of busy where I had to be here, doing whatever, and I can’t be doing anything else. Not at all a desirable situation.

Had to be a liaison for a girl who fractured her pelvis. She’ll be rolled out of OCS into med hold. Very awkward and emotional situation.

We had an inspection slated for today – 9th week PI. Of 42, only 21 showed up (the others were all busy running the regiment, I was dealing with medical and the roll-out). They expect several to be absent due to responsibility to the regiment, but 21 is just an insulting number. Of the 21 who showed up for inspection, the ones chosen for squad leader and section leader did NOT know the proper procedures for this inspection. It was a disaster of legendary proportions. This story will probably last at OCS well into future years. 9th week PI is not a failable event, it’s just a formality to show that we know how to inspect each other, the inspector just observes. Anyhow, the Captain was on deck to watch. When the inspector started the inspection, the section leader messed everything up. He got ripped apart by the inspector, really ugly and embarrassing stuff. Then the inspectors proceeded to the squad leaders. Ugh. They messed up too, bad. The Captain was so disgusted that he walked out.

That was our death sentence.

They kicked the 21 out of the gym. Not long after, we get a 1MC (a text to all of our cellphones) reading “Class 04-12, change into NWU’s and report to the SUYA at 1100”. Again, there’s that fear in the air so thick you could cut it with a knife. I was one of the lucky 5 to be off-base at the time, so I didn’t get this beating. Apparently, they all changed and formed up in the SUYA, and at exactly 1100 the door was kicked open and EVERY DI AT OCS swarmed the class and destroyed them for about 12 minutes (10 minutes being the maximum allowable RPT time). Everyone at OCS heard the screaming.

Then we were briefed by class chief, class DI, and class officer (at separate times). Each told us that, basically, we suck and they hate us. We failed 9th week PI. We failed an UNFAILABLE inspection.

What a terrible day.
November 18

These letters home are going to get shorter. I’m so sorry, but the last two nights have brought me 4 hours of sleep each, and as I write this it’s 3 hours and 50 minutes until I need to wake up. The long stressful hours are so brutal…

03-12 graduated today. I spent the morning helping with the private commission ceremonies. Translation: I served coffee and made small talk with high ranking officers but didn’t actually get to see a single commission happen. Dissapointing.

I was so busy today making sure everything went smoothly at medical that I missed lunch completely. There was just no time to eat. I missed dinner at the chow hall but managed to find some food in the candio lounge (our meeting room). I had a ROVER watch this morning over at King Hall (where officer indoctrination school is). Uneventful except for the faulty alarms and locks on the exterior. Those lucky bastards are known for sneaking out, and it is sooooo easy for them to do so.

We will have to re-do 9th week PI. This is an OCS first to the best of our knowledge. We have a scheduled re-inspect for an inspection that has never needed to be re-done. Embarrassing.

We moved to the CandiO p-way and I got my candidate ensign bars for my uniform (the same smaller gold bars I wore as a cadet ensign in high school). The transformation is complete at last. I have my own room, which is FANTASTIC. The rooms still have two lockers, two beds, two desks, etc… The extra storage is great, and now I can make my bed but sleep on the empty mattress, which means I’ll never have to make my damned bed again. I even listened to music on my iPad late in the evening while prepping my uniforms.

Nothing else to report for now, goodnight everyone.

November 19

The last day before my long-awaited trip home! I was given CDO van duty today which means I spent ALL DAY driving people from place to place at the whims of the CDO. I’ve slept maybe 15 hours combined in the last 4 nights and haven’t driven in over two months, and they make me driver for a day in a vehicle I don’t know??? Man that’s dangerous. I was incredibly uncomfortable behind the wheel, but got the job done regardless. My navigator, another candio, kept falling asleep. I wish I had been chosen as navigator instead…

Missed lunch AGAIN. I get really irritable when I miss meals. I was rather …unkind… to a couple of people today and I feel bad about it, but they’re just as nasty back so I don’t feel TOO bad. The lack of sleep is really taking its toll on my body.

Finally putting on civilian clothes. It’s so unreal that it doesn’t even feel like me anymore. I feel like I’m almost living in the third person, watching from afar as I go through these motions. Airport, here I come!

November 26

Back at OCS. Hate to be a pessimist, but being free for a week and now being back here in this place I hate… it’s just killing me. I can’t stand it.

The break was wonderful and I’m so glad I got to see everyone, but my time off went by so fast it hardly seems fair.

We are all settled back in and OCS life resumed right where we left it. The whole day was spent at meetings and briefings planning for the arrival tomorrow. It’ll be hell, I just want to get it over with. Not much more to report, goodnight.

November 27

What a day. I woke up well before the sun to sit and wait for indocs. They trickled in slowly, man there are a lot of them… The standard class is around 40, this class has 72 so it’s being split into two companies, alpha and bravo. I’m bravo staff. Well, as planned we sent them in groups of 10 through the “dungeon”, got them their stuff, and then sent them to their p-way. My post was in the p-way all day, so when they got to me I yelled at them to dump out their bags, stow their gear, put on their poopy suits over their civilian clothes, and stand out on line. After that I basically spent the rest of the day, about 10 hours, screaming and sharking the hell out of them for doing all those normal human things that aren’t allowed here at OCS.

I hated every minute of it. I know what it’s like to be them, and it just killed me to have to put them through the same things I had to suffer through. Some of them were shaking, some were in a panic, a couple cried, and some were just in shock with bewildered yet absent looks on their faces. I yelled until my voice was gone, and then some. They seemed to catch on quickly, which I hope will get them beaten less in the long run here.

We were supposed to have cycling relief for each other for meals and at least one break, but of course that never happened. I missed lunch again, never got a break, and was just absolutely miserable all evening. I can’t believe I have to go through seven days of this with them, I just want nothing to do with it.

November 28

Alarm clock failed this morning, was almost late. I wasn’t late, but being 3 minutes early instead of 10 minutes early is enough to make classmates unhappy. I was in a total panic. It felt just like all those terrible times where I lost my head. I was hoping the vacation would hold those anxiety attacks off longer than this.

My throat is just a mess from all the yelling. It hurts to swallow. As time has gone on and the candidates have become more and more used to the yelling, I can tell that the fear is being replaced by contempt. I’m sure they feel about me the same way I felt about my CandiOs.

This evening at dinner chow, I was watching the indocs eat with 4 or 5 other candios (we have to watch and shark every meal). Again I have had NO breaks nor relief all day today, so I’m tired and cranky, but so is everyone else. Anyway, I FINALLY get another candio relieve me so I could go eat quickly. When I went and got my food, another candio, Roth, walked up to me and started just started ripping into me with nasty and angry words about how it’s not fair that I am eating. Roth had ALREADY EATEN. Roth got to eat, but apparently I wasn’t allowed to? I snapped. I tore right back into him, calling him out on the stupidity and arrogance of the way he was talking to me, and several other candios eventually came in and made it stop. It was ugly and pathetic. It put me in a terrible mood… I can’t stand that sort of confrontation. It makes me hate life out here, and hate the thought that my life in the Navy may expose me to more of it.

Even before the Roth incident, chow was just hard on me tonight. I look at those indocs and see the pain in their eyes, and all of the terrible emotions I felt when I was an indoc come back to me as strongly as when I was in their position. I just wanted to walk out of there, again I just wanted nothing to do with it. It all disgusts me.

There are good parts to my days as well. Sometimes an indoc will say or do something incredibly stupid, and we’ll correct them then turn around and smile or start silently laughing and exchange facial expressions of “What the hell was THAT?”. Those moments are rare, but they’re so good for me… I love the fact that they can happen.

We got all the indocs in bed, made the plan for tomorrow, and did all of our various administrative taskers, and now I find myself typing at 0012. Wakeup is in about four hours. Lord I need the end of this week to come quickly… Goodnight.

November 29

Where to start… Today was long and standard. I spent the morning liaising candidates to and from the dentist, then I had to fill out a bunch of paperwork for my eventual transfer out of here. After that it was lunch, then a whole lot of standing in the p-way with the indocs, sharking them and quizzing them on procedures and knowledge. One candidate had one of those moments that made us laugh again, he stood at attention and tried to request permission to speak, but it’s clear that English is a second language. After we finally got him to properly request permission to speak, we gave him permission and this is what he said: (Note that they are always supposed to start their statements with ‘Sir, this Indoctrination Candidate…etc etc) “Sir… eh… this indoctrinating, umm, officer… has understood that , uh, he is holding his canteen, uhhhhhh….. in his hand, Sir.” Oh Lord, what do you say to that? The candio next to me and I looked at each other, did that sort of sideways squint that that communicates “wait …WHAT?!?” then just sort of shook our heads. I just said “Carry on” to which he said “Aye, Sir” and departed. We had to leave the p-way, we couldn’t contain the laughter. What the hell was that all about??? He’s had his canteen with him at all times since Sunday, they all have, and we taught all the proper way to hold them on Sunday, and we KNOW he was doing it right because we check EVERYONE… So what the hell was he saying??? Well whatever it was, apparently it’s solved now because he never said anything else about canteens.

Before bed we had our officer portrait photoshoot. I’ll get to see them on Tuesday I think, from what I could see on the photographers computer they look pretty good. Anyhow, more paperwork to do then off to bed. Goodnight.

November 30

Wake-up Wednesday is weird from the other side. As the classes were getting screamed at and destroyed by their newly-introduced DI’s, I couldn’t help but think “man, is it just me or is this less bad than we had it?” Turns out that yes, they did have it easier. Again, we had DiCosimo and they have a DI by the name of GYSGT Sepulveda who is, relative to DiCosimo, much more mild. (The man is still an OCS DI, and is still scary as all hell). Their wake-up Wednesday morning was also a full hour shorter than ours and with fewer DIs screaming, so that probably played a part too. Still, my poor indocs got their butts thoroughly kicked.

Spent pretty much all of the rest of the day with the indocs. I had them alone for a total of a few hours, which I decided to spend on drill and proper commands. I enjoy teaching, but I’m also nicer to them than I should be when I’m instructing so that may play a part. If I kept sharking while instructing it’d probably get annoying pretty quick.

Not much else happened, gonna get to bed now. Wakeup is in 4 hours… again… I don’t know why it’s ALWAYS 4 hours when there are so many variables involved in my bedtime. Whatever, God gave us coffee for a reason. Goodnight.


December 1

Wow. I remember the first time I wrote October instead of September and it finally felt like progress. I remember writing November for the first time and feeling good about it. But to write December… it just blows my mind. I’m actually nearing the end. It felt like it would never come.

This morning I did the fire trainer. All Navy personnel must be at least familiar with the principles of firefighting. It may be counterintuitive, but next to hostile attack, fire is the very worst thing that can happen to a ship. Being surrounded by water only means you have nowhere to run from the fire, and often ships will have oil or metal fires, which are only made worse when you try to put them out with water. Anyhow, the fire trainer was a complete joke. I was SO disappointed. We had to sit through 5 hours of class on fires before putting on fire suits and learning a million annoying (and honestly detrimental) procedural commands/motions to operate a fire hose or extinguisher. Seriously, valve open, nozzle open, point water at fire. Pretty damn simple stuff. But no, no we had to have 15 people on a fire hose and three instructors, and we had to wait for three commands to turn the valve wheel and another to open a second valve to pressurize the hose. Then another command to open the nozzle. In a real fire, WHO THE HECK would wait for a senior to give the command to open the ‘friggin valves? “The multimillion dollar ship is burning and lives are lost by the second, but I’m not gonna put that fire out until Chief arrives and gives the proper series of commands to open the valve.” Yeah right.

I’m venting, I know. But if you’d have been there it would have made you laugh out loud. It was among the most ridiculous things I’ve done out here. I probably stood on an active fire hose (and it was much smaller and thinner than the ones real firefighters use) for a half hour total and NEVER actually sprayed the thing at a fire. We were in a facility capable of simulating HUGE fires, but no, only the first person in each line got to spray the hose at a fire, they didn’t re-light it for any of us after that. What did I learn today? To be honest, I learned quite a bit in the class portion. After that, I only learned that full fire suits suck to wear after about 3 hours and that the Navy is too cheap to give us the 5 minutes worth of propane (they give the ODS students a good half-hour worth).

After we got back the day got even more stressful. Our DI called me and told me to “GET IN MY OFFICE RIGHT NOW.” Ugh, I hope I never have to re-experience the feeling in my stomach I got. It turned out alright in the end, it was a miscommunication that got me called down there. The other day I was told by medical to watch someone who just had his wisdom teeth removed for a couple of hours. I was to monitor for pooling blood, temperature, and to make sure his head stayed elevated as he slept. Apparently my classmates assumed I was just slacking off with this candidate in his room for two hours, so instead of asking me what I was doing they all started talking amongst each other in the typical “what the hell is HE doing” sort of way, and word worked its way to the DI. Almost punished for following orders. Fantastic.

Anyhow, it’s Friday tomorrow which means Outpost for my poor indocs. Gotta get to bed, slated for a real early start… again…

Goodnight.